my online journal!

first entry..!

learning (trying (and failing) to learn) html has ruined my life for the past few days not gonna lie.. i haven't even been reading like at all because all i'm ever thinking about anymore is neocities and html and even when i'm not actively coding (again, trying to) i'm always watching tutorials or looking at other people's sites and i'm sooo jealous.
i told like two of my friends that i'm doing this and one of them asked to see it but i don't think i'm going to give out any links or anything... i think it's obvious if you look at any of the pages that this site belongs to me if you know me (even the name which is based on a shinee song is a dead giveaway) so if they're so invested they can go html scavanging on their own... joking! i love my friends! but i do kind of want an online space that's just for me and where i can be 100% anonymous. i feel like i wouldn't be able to fully express myself if there were people i actually knew who would see my shit lol. there's a very special type of freedom that comes with being surrounded by solely strangers that i'm really craving right now. maybe it's also a gender thing (in a way) but it's too late to get into that rn!! and i should also go to sleep.

28/09/2026

getting into the aforementioned gender thing maybe... it's really not that complicated it's just a fact that subconsciously we don't really view the people we interact with through the internet as real living breathing people. or at least i don't! every person i've ever spoken to i see as a kind of omnipresent genderless bodyless being unless proven otherwise. i loveee that feeling and it's something i chase constantly. i'm not a lain larper i swear and in fact i think this impulse comes from a very human feeling which is desiring to be seen and judged solely on what you actively choose to show instead of arbitrary things like external appearance. also existing and living in a female body is its own share of beautiful experiences and i'm sick of masculinity being seen as the default and femininity as the modification of that default. i think the internet is an easy way to escape having your every action colored by the pink girl highlighter and be seen as who you are first and foremost. i think that's partly the reason why sites like these are mostly populated by either girls/women or gender-queer people.